Caregiving & Coping: Becoming THE Caregiver
10% of informal caregivers are grandchildren. In fact our generation, proud elder Millennial here, is part of the Sandwich Generation. We are family members taking care of our own younger family members AND taking care of elder family members. AT THE SAME TIME, talk about badass. Millennials really are the best generation.
Our Journey
I wish I could tell you how exactly I knew it was going to be me, but I knew it was. I had already moved back from Seoul, South Korea to take care of my granddad in NC. Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit, then I got bored and got my Masters because I had nothing else to do. Then I decided to get my doctorate. While also working a demanding full time position at a non-profit.
Taking care of my granddad wasn’t easy, I wish I had family nearby who also wanted to be involved, but I didn’t. Taking him to doctors visits, me. Cleaning, me. Cooking, me. Medication Management, me. Yardwork, me. Hospital stays, me. Whenever my siblings or my mom came down to see my granddad I would take full advantage and put everyone to work so I could have a break.
An opportunity for an amazing employment position came my way and I packed up and moved to Charlotte, leaving my granddad in the care of a capable full time nurse. This meant I was now even further away my grandparents who live in the Hampton Roads area of VA. My grandma was getting sick and in the hospital a second time in less than a month. I went home to see what was happening.
It was bad. Their house wasn’t being taken care of, they weren’t able to keep up with themselves. My granddad was doing the best he could for my grandmother but they needed help. My whole family pitched in and we cleaned the whole house, got food planned, and I started trying to figure out what to do. My grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the hospital. All the sudden end of life planning needed to happen.
The one thing I knew I needed done fast was Power of Attorney (POA) paperwork. I had the medical, financial, and durable POA paperwork filled out. I learned what they both wanted for end of life care. I knew how they wanted their bodies addressed once they transitioned. I learned the bare bones of their finances. Their lives were now my responsibility.
Wisdom from the journey: Lessons you can use
Know yourself. If you are a caregiver type, know this will fall to you and the others in the family who are caregivers.
Know that we all start at the bottom. No one actually knows what caregiving entails until you do it, that’s ok.
Know that a learning curve is a great thing. You will learn what you need to know. You will make mistakes and do better moving forward.
Know you deserve grace. Give yourself grace, this is a new road to journey on and you will be able to walk it.
Pro Tips from Our Journey
Don’t pay for the POA forms. If you feel confident in your abilities, they are easy to fill out. Nurses can sign as witnesses. Most hospitals have a notary on hand, some even 24 hours. You can ask the nurse to help you find the notary at the hospital. Use this link to find the forms for any state.
Make a notebook and start writing down whenever the doctor comes in; what they say, medication plans, etc… You may need it later, you may not.
In the same notebook keep the POA originals and make copies to send to their bills, primary care, etc..
Use that same notebook to write down usernames, passwords, due dates and so on.
What were the struggles you faced at the beginning of your caregiving journey? What additional questions do you have as you start? Leave a line below and we will walk the road together!